In Romantic Relationship, Should You Go the Cole Way?

“A child does not know diabolical herbs he calls it vegetables,”

Life is a complex journey, and it often teaches us lessons in unexpected ways. Recently, a particular lesson has been brought to the forefront: should you go against your family’s wishes when getting married?

This question was raised on a Nigerian social network where a new couple’s union was called into question. The groom’s family disapproved of the wedding, but the bride shared pictures of the ceremony on social media. This led to a heated debate on social media about whether it’s morally acceptable to marry without your family’s consent.

One commentator shared a popular African proverb that emphasizes the wisdom of elders over that of children. “A child does not know diabolical herbs he calls it vegetables,” he quoted. This is a popular proverb that is frequently used to show the childish state of a child even having grown up as an adult. The proverb wants everyone to believe that what an elder knows through experience, a child cannot fathom it through years of reading. By this, it is worth noting that parents often love to choose for their children. And if not choose, they love their children to have a better life, especially in marriage.

Meanwhile, parents often want to choose the best life for their children, especially when it comes to marriage. However, their decisions are not always right.

Matt Sharpe, a cardiologist, shared his experience of marrying without his parents’ consent. His parents didn’t approve of his wife based on her tribe, but he was sure that he wanted to be with her. He advised that if you’re sure about the person you want to marry, gently explain to your family why you want to be with them. If they can’t understand, you might have to go ahead with your decision. It’s essential to remain committed to your goal while being respectful towards your family. Eventually, they may come to realize that they were wrong. True love will always triumph, even if it faces difficulties.

Advising the coming generation of youths who may face a similar problem, Matt said “One of the things I didn’t do then is to disrespect them. I know they couldn’t see what I was seeing. Fighting them, was not the solution then. I made sure I struck the balance between being purpose-driven and being rude. I remained committed to my goal of marrying Maria, yet I was not disrespectful. I only told them, this is my love and nothing is changing that. After some years, they realized they were wrong and Maria treated them well before they passed on.

“So, as someone who has passed through a similar situation, if I would advise on what to do, I’ll say, if you are already sure of the person you’re planning to marry, try to explain to them, gently in a way they can understand, if not, you’ll need to go for it. But only if you wish. I am not saying you should completely go for it. Sometimes, your parents might be right. However, if you’re sure, go for it. If it’s true love, it will eventually come across difficulties, but it will always WIN!”

Enoch Oyedibu

I am a writer and investigative journalist who specialises in literary criticism and underrepresented narratives. Among other publications, I have been featured in Business Day Nigeria, TheICIR, Platform Times and Daily Nigerian. Right now, I work as a full-time staff writer for Unconventional Magazine.