- Judith Akatugba
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In hard circumstances, resilience is the ultimate goal. We all want to become “more resilient,” and we hear about resilient communities. We want our children to “learn resilience.” However, what does resilience truly entail, and how can we foster it more?
“A person, community, family, or economy’s ability to successfully adjust to adversity is known as resilience,” explains Ann Masten, a University of Minnesota child development professor and the author of multiple resilience-related books. “People’s resilience encompasses numerous systems and processes, which contributes to their remarkable adaptability.”
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Resilience is something we can all acquire, not just some ethereal ideal or quality we might or might not possess. Roberta Greene, an emeritus professor at the University of Texas at Austin and clinical social worker, claims that the phenomenon is a naturally occurring one. “People all have varying degrees of resilience.”
It is possible to cultivate resilience in part from inside. Greene exhorts individuals to think about the good things that can happen to them in the future and the things that they did to get through trying times in the past. “People frequently have their own answers and haven’t considered going back to them,” the speaker continues. By attempting new activities, such as taking a class or learning a musical instrument, people can also empower themselves. People can demonstrate to themselves that they are capable of development and change by doing this.
But building a network of social support is a crucial but often-overlooked technique that has a significant impact on how resilient a person is.
The significance of other individuals
Professor emerita at Columbia University Teachers College Suniya Luthar states, “If you are going to foster anyone’s wellbeing, the first thing you have to do is make sure there is a dependable support network around them.” “Relationships are the foundation of resilience.” Luthar, a trailblazer in the field of resilience research, has examined children from underprivileged backgrounds who underwent challenging life experiences, like being impoverished or having a parent suffering from mental illness. Her goal, along with that of her study colleagues, was to determine why some kids fared well and others did not.
According to her research, kids who were the most resilient tended to have close bonds with trustworthy adults who gave them attention and showed them love. According to Luthar, “the most significant elements that support children under stress are associated with the quality of caregiving—particularly in relation to primary caregivers, who are typically mothers.” “They experienced unconditional acceptance from someone in their lives; they were accepted and loved for who they are.” The significance of strong social support has been highlighted by additional research. “Usually had strong mentoring, one strong parent, an important teacher, or some strong social connections,” according to Greene, describes children who experience the greatest success and mental resilience.
Everyone needs social support from their family or other group. In her research, Greene examined survivors of some of the most horrific historical events, including the Holocaust, the genocide in Cambodia, and the Jim Crow American South. She discovered that while certain character traits, like humor or problem-solving abilities, might boost resilience, what really mattered was “how they interacted with family, their community, the spiritual community, and the larger society.”
That may not seem like a novel conclusion. However, experts note that US discussions about resilience building frequently omit this topic in favor of individual success and self-improvement.
Michael Ungar, the author of Change Your World: The Science of Resilience and the True Path to Success and director of the Resilience Research Centre at Dalhousie University in Canada, is sick of hearing tales of people becoming more resilient by merely meditating or practicing other self-help techniques. He asserts that community support is far more powerful than anything an individual can accomplish on their own and that people don’t exist in a vacuum. “We are aware that a mother of three who is unemployed due to the pandemic will fare considerably better if others assist her in redefining her responsibilities, provide her with a casserole, grant her some leeway from her landlord, and provide her with a government check or retraining opportunity,” he states.
It makes sense that people would want to “pick up things that are more doable in our eyes,” but Luthar adds that “breathing and relaxing can only go so far.” She says, “I love yoga, but I’d be a wreck if that was all I had to rely on to stay sane through this pandemic.” “You need a network of supporters. It is required. It is necessary.
How to make your network of supporters stronger
Since mothers have such a significant role in their children’s resilience, Luthar first concentrated on them in an effort to determine how to adapt her research to actual circumstances. Whether they were doctors in demanding jobs or women in recovery from addiction, having weekly in-person facilitated chats with other mothers going through similar experiences greatly reduced their stress levels and stress hormones. Their children saw improvements in their parenting as well.
When she looked at educators, a different group of people who have a high rate of burnout and who are likely to have an impact on children’s ability to thrive, something similar happened. This time, she tried holding small, virtual weekly gatherings and discovered that these helped instructors establish community and support while also breaking through isolation. According to Luthar, you can either join a group she facilitates or create your own small support group by following these instructions. Luthar advises, “Make the time, even if you are extremely busy.”
There are more ways to build or bolster your network of support beyond joining a support group. According to Ungar, you can also ask the kids to do additional chores, move closer to extended family, assist out your neighbor, join an online community or church group, and commit to having a family supper a few times a week. One relationship at a time, these deeds can help you strengthen your resilience by bringing you closer to others.
