- Enoch Oyedibu
- Anger
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Keep a calm mind, study the situation, then take a countermeasure. If you let wrongdoing happen, it might continue and increase, so, out of compassion, take appropriate countermeasures…if you have the ability to stop the wrongdoing.”
Anger is psychologically seen as a mental disorder. When it hits, it makes the carrier vulnerable and highly susceptible to the most horrible events. More like a sudden emotional irritation that consumes the body of its bearer and makes it seems, there is no control. Helping the body to lose its control, while clouding the mind with the “nothing else matters” mantra. When it reaches this level, the most loved husbands could be stabbed, most cherished properties could be destroyed, most valued positions and relationships could be forfeited. It leaves one to behave wildly. More like a psychopath whose manner of thoughts constantly meanders to yesterday.
But must we always behave in this line of thoughts? Statistics show that approximately 64% of young people (from 14 to 21 years old) experience uncontrolled anger. Given this, one would not doubt why bizarre news headlines every time, detailing husband stabbing wife to death over menial argument. Brothers dabble in fisticuffs on simple issues that can be resolved over a round table. Destructive anger is one of the major contributors to communal clashes and war among countries. Everything starts from the hearts of anger, to the home of deposit of that fiery garbage, then to a community and a country.
So, what can be done? I have always loved to use the analogy of the American psychologist and author, Daniel Goleman, who says the best way to manage our anger is to be emotionally intelligent. This, according to him, will help us to retract from our usual destructive approach to anger and help us to dissipate the energy in making the most out of the anger.
Having published inexhaustibly books on Emotional and Social Intelligences, in a LinkedIn post titled “be angry in a smart way,” dated back to 2020, Goleman writes that “what we need more than ever these days; Mahatma Gandhi had it; Martin Luther The King embodied it; So did Nelson Mandela; the Dalai Lama, who also encouraged us all to apply it: constructive anger.”
Constructive anger is a well-guided anger, highly placed under control and harnessed towards a good cause. The Dalai Lama said, “anger becomes destructive when humans lose self-control, get too agitated to think clearly and are obsessed rather than focused. This is why it is always advisable to never lose that control. In that state we can easily act in ways that will lead us away from our real goal. On the other hand, we can’t be so tolerant that we let someone harm us or someone else. We may need to take strong action to protect against a real threat – but not with anger or hatred.
Lama words bring it to the understanding that a constructive anger is not destructive and does not seek to destroy even when people pisses it off. A constructive anger understands humans will be humans, and toes will be stepped on while bridges crossed. Emotions will be tampered. But in all, emotions must not be destructive, disruptive or unstable. It must always be put under control, by that way, one will use the productive energy of anger to produce a better result.
This is just as the Dalai Lama had said that “When we are outraged by an injustice, marshal the “gifts” of anger: a strong focus, extra energy, and determination. All these can make our response to that injustice more effective. If we can analyze the situation clearly we are more likely to take the most effective action– to “hit the target directly.”
Knowing this, one might ask, is getting angry a sin? No. It is not. The sin is in destructively channeling one anger without control. Goleman said, getting angry constructively requires one to first “separate the actor from the action.” The trick here is to keep compassion toward the person even as one acts forcefully to stop them. Oppose the act, but love the person. “Makes good sense to me: emotional intelligence,” Goleman said.
Managing one’s anger in the fit of range, the Dalai Lama book on Force For Good: The Dalai Lama’s Vision for Our World, stresses that one needs to “Keep a calm mind, study the situation, then take a countermeasure. If you let wrongdoing happen, it might continue and increase, so, out of compassion, take appropriate countermeasures…if you have the ability to stop the wrongdoing.” This is the best of my parting words. Manage anger!
Read Also: 6 Healthy Ways to Manage Anger
Enoch Oyedibu
I am a writer and investigative journalist who specialises in literary criticism and underrepresented narratives. Among other publications, I have been featured in Business Day Nigeria, TheICIR, Platform Times and Daily Nigerian. Right now, I work as a full-time staff writer for Unconventional Magazine.
