- Judith Akatugba
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Finding a catchy word or phrase to express rage is one of the simplest things to do: Steaming. angry, enraged, and fuming. Angry and frustrated. All set to flip your lid. vivacious.
An enormous vocabulary like this illustrates how widespread rage is, despite being one of the most basic emotions someone can feel. Professor of communication at Ohio State University Brad Bushman says, “People don’t like to feel angry, and most people who do want to get rid of the anger.” Bushman focuses on the causes, effects, and remedies of human aggression and violence. However, it also gives them a sense of authority.
Anger can be used constructively; for example, Bushman points out that anger has been the driving force behind numerous social and political movements, such as Black Lives Matter and women’s suffrage. The emotion may be a clue that anything we’re going through or seeing doesn’t correspond with our ideals or how we want other people to treat us or other people.
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Regretfully, specialists claim that most people lack the knowledge necessary to manage their anger in a healthy way. According to Bushman, “people have the hardest time controlling negative emotions.” It’s not something that happens quickly. Courts impose anger-management classes on defendants because, if it were simple, they wouldn’t need to.
Many cultural issues are fueled by anger, according to Bushman: It is one of the biggest risk factors for aggressive and violent conduct, which includes murders, domestic abuse, and episodes of road rage. Long-term and short-term health consequences may result from it, such as elevated risk of chronic illness and inflammation, decreased lung function, persistent pain, stomach issues, and elevated anxiety and depression. Anger exacerbates cardiac conditions by raising heart rate and blood pressure: According to research, a person’s chance of having a heart attack increases by almost five times in the two hours following a furious outburst.
We asked Bushman and other professionals to provide the healthiest means of expressing and managing anger.
1. Give relaxation priority over complaining.
Anger is commonly compared to: It resembles steam building up inside a pressure cooker. The notion is that you should blow off some of that steam to prevent an explosion. However, Bushman claims that “that’s actually the worst thing you can do.”
He tells us that we become immensely aroused when we are furious. Furthermore, “you’re just yelling, screaming, kicking, hitting, whatever it is, and it keeps arousal levels high when you vent your anger or blow off steam.” It feeds the flame, much like when gasoline is used to put out a fire.
You ought to lower that arousal level instead. People often think it’s a good idea to work out or go running while they’re upset, but doing so would raise arousal, much like yelling. Bushman recommends lowering your body temperature through progressive muscular relaxation, yoga, meditation, and deep breathing.
2. Take a break
Tony Fiore has spent decades instructing people in anger management, with an emphasis on mending relationships. One of his first pieces of advice to his customers is that it’s acceptable to separate from one another. Author of publications such as Anger Management for the 21st Century, Fiore is a psychologist. “If you prevent somebody from leaving, they can become like a wild animal,” she explains. “Going away for even ten minutes, an hour, or a few hours can sometimes have a profound impact on things when you return.” During the pause, consider how you would like to respond composedly rather than responding hastily while agitated.
3. Give the 30-30-30 intervention a shot.
It can be challenging to sit back and think through your options when you’re really agitated, according to Laura Beth Moss, a supervisor with the National Anger Management Association. She recommends using “the 30-30-30 intervention,” a practice that she co-developed many years ago. She advises taking 30 seconds to get yourself out of the scenario first, maybe by going outside or out of the room. Then, divert your attention from whatever is bothering you for 30 seconds by doing something else. You may complete a series of breathing exercises or even just make dinner plans.
The last 30 seconds should then be used to draft a coping statement that will assist in defusing your feelings. Let’s say you’re furious at your boss for being such a jerk. Moss remarks, “That’s a very confrontational, escalating thought.” “A better way to phrase it would be, ‘I don’t like it when my boss speaks to me in an arrogant manner.'” However, I know in my heart that I’m not a byproduct of that partnership. Even if you may not enjoy the circumstances, you can tolerate them if you have the correct mindset.
4. Maintain a diary of your rage
Analyzing how, when, and why people become irritated is a straightforward but useful method for anyone looking to improve their emotional regulation.
Moss typically gives her clients a weekly anger management assignment that involves documenting one angry incident, including what happened, when it happened, how it made them feel, and how they handled it. She points out that it could be as little as having to wait in line for an eternity at the grocery store, or it could be as serious as having firsthand experience with discrimination. According to Moss, “we get an opportunity to really look at how anger works in our lives.” This offers a chance to plan ahead on how to consider and react to events that elicit emotions.
5. Communicate assertively
Assertive communication is one of the best methods to communicate anger. That entails treating both yourself and the person you’re speaking with with dignity, according to licensed therapist Julia Baum, who works in both California and New York. In this conversation, you’re attempting to look out for each other, she explains. “You’re not putting the other person before yourself, but you’re also not downplaying your emotions or thoughts.”
Sharing your feelings, letting the other person know why you feel that way, and letting them know what you intend to gain from the conversation are all part of assertive communication. Although you’ve undoubtedly heard this tip a lot, it’s beneficial to utilize “I” phrases rather than “you” comments. “When you said XYZ to me, I felt angry because it felt like you weren’t acknowledging my experience,” writes Baum.
Make it a point to inquire about the other person’s emotional state during the conversation. Baum advises asking them if they have any issues with you. It’s possible that they were irate because of an earlier interaction that you failed to record.
It’s crucial to carefully examine the timing of the conversation as well. If you’re stressed out, you’re not going to be able to communicate effectively. Baum says to wait until you feel comfortable speaking politely and clearly.
6. Get expert assistance
According to Fiore, there are occasions when it will be obvious that you need assistance controlling your anger. Either a close friend or family member will inform you, or your attempts at self-help will be ineffective. It may be more difficult to honestly evaluate yourself, though, if you’re experiencing severe symptoms of an anger problem. Consider the following questions for yourself: Do you often lose your temper for hours at a time? Do you feel fury that is out of proportion to the circumstances? Do you respond physically, by pounding the wall, for example?
Programs for managing anger, which usually run for at least eight weeks, teach participants how to manage their emotions in a healthy way by using a variety of cognitive-behavioral strategies and other exercises. For instance, Fiore’s classes cover topics like developing empathy, understanding the distinction between reacting and responding, communication strategies, handling conflict, and establishing realistic expectations.
The age range of Fiore’s students during the last 20 years has been 18 to 73. He remembers, “The 73-year-old was one of my best students.” “I commend you for taking anger management classes,” he said, glancing at the 18-year-olds occupying the space. My life would be different if I had discovered it at your age.
