- Enoch Oyedibu
- men, women
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The concept of love, or saying “I love you,” is never riddled with still saying “I hate you” or “I no longer want you.”
There has been a lot of debate on it and the old cliché remains the most talked-about and controversial discussion in ages. An array of people believe that men are “programmed” to look for several women. They think men frequently have this growing desire for female creatures. But this belief, which, probably originated from African traditions, has not been a complete truth, as some men still prefer one woman until it fades. However, antique Africa believed adding more wives was a show of wealth, influence and abundance. Meanwhile, in some traditions, going far beyond Africa, if a man doesn’t have more than one wife, it is commonly believed such is a pauper or a man with less capacity.
The advent of Islamic religion added insult to the injury of the discussion. It gave radical recognition to the belief, leaving Africans who already had the existing knowledge of polygamy to hold it in high esteem as it is lawful by the will of their religious tenet. For long, this discussion has continued, with many people now substantiating their reasons with religious verses while others set the basis on their tradition. Scientists have also found, though not yet proven, that genetically, men may be wired to marry more than one woman. So, how true is this and what is ethically right about it?
Should I Marry More than One Woman?
Away from religious practices and ethno-centric beliefs, marrying more than one woman is not socially wrong. However, the effects of such an endeavour and the idea behind doing the act are what one must look into. For example, some men marry another woman whom they were cheating with but eventually get her pregnant. Some men get to have more than one wife through seduction and a lack of self-control. Some, in an orderly sense, tend to have another woman after discovering that theirs cheated or was unable to give birth. Well! The list goes on and on, like a pack of onion. Everyone needs to pick their bottle of tea and discover what one would do. But what is most important is that there is a need to strike a balance in the reason why one is planning to get another woman, as the concept of love, or saying “I love you,” is never riddled with still saying “I hate you” or “I no longer want you.” The concept of love remains “for better or for worse.” Aside from bullying and harassment, nothing else should make a man want to live with his woman. No woman or man is perfect. Understanding this will save a man a lot of stress trying to look for a greener pasture with another woman elsewhere. Even if she cheats, unless she is not ready to be purged, remorseful, or willing to change, it is something that can be discussed for her to never make that mistake.
As someone once said, a woman is a complex creature of her own that men can never fathom. Adding more than one of them is adding complexity in abundance. man can barely survive the aftermath.
Disproving all evolutionary claims
Thrown into the mix is evolutionary psychology, which maintains that males are “naturally” predisposed to pursue several mates. This idea is used to absolve adultery and shift blame for harmful deeds. But is this just a handy excuse, or is this biology? Some contend that the innate need for polygamy was ingrained in us from our evolutionary past, when males allegedly battled for mates. According to the “caveman” theory, males were promiscuous and dispersed their genes widely across our predecessors. This perspective, meanwhile, greatly oversimplifies the evolution of humans.
Humans are cooperative breeders because they have a long history of raising their offspring together, in contrast to many other species where males battle ferociously for females and ultimately abandon the young. Fathers are important in raising children, which is why long-term relationships, or monogamy, are beneficial for a child’s survival.
Why do men want more wives?
There are myriads of reasons men may demand more wives; some of the reasons are as follows:
- Unhappiness in a present relationship: If a person is not feeling fulfilled in their current relationship, either sexually or emotionally, they may look into other possibilities.
- Fear of commitment: Some people steer clear of monogamy because of a fear of intimacy or long-term commitment.
- Social influences: Infidelity may be encouraged or normalized in specific social groups or contexts.
Other reasons are:
Brainpower against muscle: Throughout human development, mental capacity has trumped physical prowess. Being intellectually and socially adept became more valuable in attracting partners than being physically dominant. Developing solid, sustaining partnerships would have been a significant evolutionary benefit.
Cultural influences: Society norms and culture have a big impact on how people behave. The notion that males are “naturally” polygamous ignores the wide range of human communities that have existed throughout history, some of which engaged in polyandry (one woman with several partners) monogamy or other forms of relationships
The biological argument
According to the “biological imperative” theory, males are more likely than women to have many relationships in order to propagate their genes, as a result of evolution. The issue with this logic is as follows:
Evolution is about more than simply reproduction: survival From an evolutionary perspective, bearing children and guaranteeing their survival are equally vital. Traditionally, males were more likely to pass on their genes if they supported their families and assisted in raising their offspring.
Eggs are valuable, but sperm is plentiful. It is true that, biologically speaking, men generate far more sperm than women do eggs. This does not, however, imply that you require several partners. Since several eggs may be successfully fertilized by one man’s sperm, the “spread the seed” theory is less persuasive.
The double standard
The argument of “biological urge” frequently easily overlooks the viewpoint of women. Should women not be wired for numerous relationships if males are, so the theory goes?
Men are judged less harshly than women for adultery by society’s attitudes. By stigmatizing women for engaging in similar behavior, these double standards support the misconception that males are inherently more promiscuous.
Unlike many animals, humans may choose how to respond to their innate urges. We have the capacity to forge commitment, form emotional bonds, and withstand transient temptations.
Getting over the stereotype
- The notion that men are inherently dishonest is an outdated notion. It fails to convey the true intricacy of interpersonal connections.
- The truth is that men and women have different wants and aspirations in relationships. Self-control is key for both parties.
- There isn’t just one “male” method to handle intimacy.
- Discuss expectations and boundaries with your spouse in an honest and open manner if you wish to be in a monogamous relationship.
- To keep a relationship satisfying for both parties, it takes work, dedication, communication, and a joint effort.
Read Also: 6 Strategies to Control Your Emotions and Win in Toxic Relationships
Enoch Oyedibu
I am a writer and investigative journalist who specialises in literary criticism and underrepresented narratives. Among other publications, I have been featured in Business Day Nigeria, TheICIR, Platform Times and Daily Nigerian. Right now, I work as a full-time staff writer for Unconventional Magazine.
